When I was first looking into Catholicism, I knew that this would be an obstacle I'd have to overcome. At times - and I'm ashamed to say this - I actually felt a hatred for Our Lady. Not for the Catholic view of her especially but just Mary herself. I remember as a kid reading a book that my family's Orthodox priest gave us, and it had a paragraph about Mary's obedience and love for God...and I didn't really understand much about God back then, but I remember really liking her and thinking that it would be great to be more like her. But for some reason later on, I started to have strong negative feelings towards Mary. This was accentuated by my belief that Catholics and Orthodox worshipped her. One day, my dad brought me a Catholic calendar with pictures of Mary, and said, "I thought you’d like this!". Hesitantly, I took it, but in my mind I was thinking, "why do Catholics only think about Mary, not about God!" the quotes by the Saints in the calendar angered me too. It seemed they were giving her almost divine power and authority. I feel so bad now that I was so disrespectful and unloving towards Our Lady.
When I began my journey into the Catholic Church, I surrendered my thoughts and feelings to God and asked Him to help me love Mary, and to show me the truth about her. Eventually, I found myself believing in the Immaculate Conception and the Assumption, and even defending her titles - such as Mother of God, Queen of Heaven, etc. I was very puzzled by some of them at first, but God slowly helped me understand. He was very patient with me through all this. Finally, I saw that none of her titles contradict the Bible, but can be found in Scripture and supported by it (for example, "Queen of Heaven" refers to the Queen Mother in the Old Testament). I was very surprised that God had answered my prayer so quickly. I also began to believe in the apparitions of Mary at Lourdes and Fatima.
Another thing I struggled with is that I was afraid that Mary (and everything else in Catholicism) would distract me from God. I wondered..why do I need all this stuff? (Mary, Saints, novenas, relics, statues, incense, ETC). A friend shared with me something that really helped. Everything in the Church points towards Christ, who is glorified in His creation and in His Saints. In the New Jerusalem, nothing would distract us from God because it would all be glorifying Him... and haven't Christians been inspired to praise God when they saw the beautiful things He's made, like the stars or nature. In the same way, everything in Catholicism only brings us closer to Christ and helps us to worship Him.
Sometime around February, I went to a store and bought a rosary. My initial reason for getting it was to pray the Divine Mercy chaplet. But on an impulse, I also bought a booklet about praying the Holy Rosary. I remember feeling very excited about all this but I didn’t want anyone to know. I was a non denom Protestant, I went to a non denom Protestant church, and sometimes even ‘shared’ my faith with Catholics! So I kept my rosary to myself; in my coat pocket, and didn’t tell anyone I bought it. It was my great secret.
One day, I decided to try actually praying the Rosary. I was so nervous because I didn’t want to offend God, and I asked Him to forgive me if I’m doing something wrong. But after about a minute, this amazing peace came over me, and ever since then I’ve had no real doubts about this prayer. I got the distinct impression that both Jesus and Mary were listening to me together, and that there was no competition between them at all. How can there be competition between Christ and His Mother who loves Him and only ever does His will? I didn’t know how I was going to pray such a LONG prayer, but I enjoyed it. The next time I prayed it, I got a fuller understanding of the Mysteries. Somehow, they really went together with the Hail Mary’s. I can’t really explain it.. But I was praising God for Mary and for the "blessed fruit of [her] womb, Jesus", as I was lead by her into a greater understanding of the events of Sacred Scripture. When I reflected on the Sorrowful Mysteries, I thought of how it was like for Mary to see her Son in so much pain...for some reason, it all started becoming more real to me. Not just words in the Bible but actual events that happened. It’s like with the Hail Mary’s, I was talking to Our Lady about the events that brought about our redemption, and she was teaching me more about them.
Finally, God answered my prayer to love Mary more. All the negative feelings towards her vanished. She was now my spiritual Mother too. Almost despite myself, I finally began to love her. I remember praying and just telling her that I love her, in really simple words, that came from my heart. I don’t know how this happened, and I was very surprised. Praise God! I even cut out the pictures from the calendar and put them around my room. lol! But recently, I saw how little I actually love our Blessed Mother and that really, we can't love her enough!
When I hear people saying really horrible things about Mary...it’s very sad. It’s like the devil put those lies into the world because he knows how powerful Mary is. (Of course, not by her own power, but by her being full of grace from God.) She’s the exact opposite of the devil..they’re both creatures, but she is perfectly humble and obedient to God, and the devil is characterized by pride and disobedience. How he must hate her, knowing that God exalted a simple human woman above all the angels!
While I was researching about the Church, I came across something interesting in a book (the Secret of the Rosary by St Louis de Montfort) - that apparently every time we say a Rosary devoutly, it’s kind of like we’re making Mary a crown of roses. Each ‘Hail Mary’ is a rose. These roses are not like earthly flowers, and they'll never fade. And that’s sort of the way I look at it...each time I say the prayer, it’s like I’m giving Mary a beautiful rose and saying - dear Mother, I love you and please pray for me to Jesus.
In the past when I thought of Heaven, Mary was never in the picture. I didn't care too much about meeting her. But now I think it would be so awesome, I'd be very glad to meet her one day and she's not only another Christian but she’s the Mother of God and deserves respect and veneration. More than anything, what I learned about Mary is that she leads us closer to Christ (and Christ, of course, as the Mediator, brings us to the Father and gives us salvation). I think a GREAT thing to ask her is to help understand Jesus better. She would definitely answer this, because she so wants us to love her Son and she glorifies Him in all she does. And because she loves Him like no other person has loved Him...she can teach us a lot about the First Commandment.
She also loves what He loves, which is us. She wants to see us saved. If we are truly devoted to Mary, she takes all our efforts to know and worship Jesus and perfects them, takes away anything that is corrupt or unworthy, and helps us be better followers of Him. Our relationship with Jesus grows when we find our relationship with Mary and learn to know her.
She is so happy when we love Jesus!! It brings her joy. That is her desire, that ALL would love Him and bring Him glory. She brings Him glory herself by her worship and all her work and intercession. She is the one person in this world who always lived entirely for Him, ever since her birth. God saved Mary, by Christ's merits, right at her conception.
I think that it’s also a great idea to ask Mary to help us advance in humility and obedience, and in these virtues we most imitate her. She obtains these graces for us by her intercession to God. Actually, I used to be repeatedly tempted with a terrible sin for many years - and nothing I did helped.. I prayed a lot, but still fell again and again. But when I asked Mary to help me overcome the sin, the prayer was answered right that second and I haven’t given in to this sin since!! I believe that she prayed for me to God and her prayers are more powerful than mine so they were answered. It's true that God hears everybody, but as it says in Scripture: "the prayer of a righteous man avails much". Mary, being full of grace, is perfectly righteous, and has found great favour with God. Actually, it is incredibly humbling to realize that there is someone who is always ‘above us’ spiritually. Someone whose prayers will always be more effective than ours. Someone who will always have more glory in Heaven. It builds humility to admit this truth and to embrace it. And then to actually rejoice in it, to rejoice in Mary’s glory, because it is God’s will, and to not be envious of it. How wonderful it is to be like a little child before Mary, who was given to us as our Mother!
A while ago I read about a Catholic devotion called the Miraculous Medal. It’s based on an apparition of Mary to St Catherine Laboure. There are many promises attached to it. At first I didn’t believe it and worried that it’s superstitious, but as God helped me understand sacramentals - that they’re not like magic, but are merely occasions of His grace (like the mud Christ used to heal the blind man) - I began to really believe in it. I felt a lot of joy whenever I thought about this devotion. Eventually I started really wanting a Miraculous Medal of my own, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to afford one. I spent a week looking around and couldn’t find anything. Then, one evening, I told Our Lady: "dear Mother, I think the Miraculous Medal is from you, and I really believe in it... But I can’t afford it, and if it’s God’s will for me to have one, could you please provide me with one somehow?" - and the next day, a friend offered me a medal, though she did not know I was looking for it. Now I have a little Miraculous Medal from Mary and I got it blessed by my priest. :) I still can't really believe the way the prayer was answered!
One book that really helped me understand Mary is "True Devotion" by St Louis de Montfort. It’s a pretty challenging book, IMO, and when I first started reading the teachings of this Saint, I couldn’t understand them at all. I worried about committing idolatry. He speaks so highly of her! Only later, I saw that whatever respect we give to Mary, she gives it to God. When we say "Mary", she answers: "Jesus". I saw that this is not worship; that Catholics only worship God, no one else. Whatever we give to Mary, out intention is that she would perfect it and give to Jesus, - He is the end of our Marian devotion, not Mary herself :) her spirit glorifies the Lord! And just as she said, "Do whatever He tells you" in Scripture, in the same way she is STILL pointing us towards Jesus today. Her mission is not over. She is our Mother and is praying for us and helping us :)
There is a beautiful quote from the lives of one of the Saints.. St Gemma Galgani. She was priveledged to see and converse with Jesus, her Guardian Angel, St Gabriel Possenti, and Mary. She loved Jesus so much and was always so humble. Here is an excerpt from a book about her and the account of how she saw Mary one time... in this revelation, we can see that Mary TRULY points us to Jesus :) Whenever I read this, I am touched because it is so beautiful.
"Whoever could have imagined," thus she wrote "that this evening my dear Mother would have come to see me? It was not even to be thought of because I believed that my bad conduct would prevent it. Yet she had compassion on me. Her presence quickly put me in a state of recollection, and then, as often happens, I lost my senses, and I found myself, I think, with Our Lady of Sorrows. Oh, what happiness! What sweetness of heart I felt during those wonderful moments! Let whoever can, explain it. It seemed to me, after some moments of emotion, that she took me in her lap and made me rest my head on her shoulder and keep it there for a short time. My heart during that time felt perfectly happy and contented without any other desire. "Do you love only me?" she asked me now and then. "Oh, no!" I answered her, "before You I love someone else." "And who is it?" She said, pretending not to know. "It is one so dear to me! More dear than all else. I love Him so much that I would now, this moment, give my life for Him; for His sake I regard not my life." "But tell me, who is it?" she asked me "If You, Mother, had come the evening before last, You would have seen Him with me. I instead go to Him every day [she meant in Holy Communion], and I would go more often if I could. But do You know Mother," I continued, "why I do so? Because I know that He wishes to see, by His keeping so far away from me, if I am capable of ceasing to love Him. But quite the contrary, the farther He keeps away, the more I feel drawn to Him! And she repeated: "Tell me, who is He?" "No," I replied, "I won't tell thee. If only You have seen Him, Mother! He is like Thee in beauty; His hair is the color of Yours." Mother, then embracing me, seemed to say again: "But my child, tell me of whom are you speaking." I then exclaimed aloud, "Do You not understand me? Of Jesus, I speak of Jesus." "Repeat it still louder," she said. Then, smiling, she looked at me and pressed me closely to herself, saying, "Yes, love Him, but love Him greatly; Listen well! Love Him alone!" "Don't be afraid," I said to her, "no one in the world shall taste my affections! Jesus alone." Again she pressed me to her; she seemed to kiss me on the forehead. Then I awoke [meaning that she came out of the ecstasy], and I found myself stretched on the floor with the crucifix near me."
If you are interested more in St Gemma, here is a GREAT website about her and here is the link to a page containing her prayers to God, which are SO beautiful: http://www.stgemmagalgani.com/2008/12/words-of-love-to-god.html
As I was reading one of de Montfort’s books.. "the Secret of Mary".. I was overcome by anxiety that I was doing something wrong. That morning, I asked God to show me the truth about Mary, and I also asked St Louis de Montfort to pray for me. I spent the day thinking about other things. In the evening, I was just starting to pray the Rosary, and suddenly, as I was praying the Hail Mary, it was as if I "met" Mary. God allowed me to feel her presence in a way, for the first time. I didn’t think this was even possible! I can’t really describe it.. All I can say is that she is so loving and gentle. It was so sweet and wonderful being near her. She loves all her children so tenderly and holds them close to her Immaculate Heart. I almost couldn't believe this happened afterwards, because I am so unworthy of it.
But the cool thing is, at that very moment, de Montfort’s book suddenly made sense!! I began to agree with the ideas. I think that in order to understand Mary's role in the Church, and in our lives, it's important to know and love her - at least to want to love her. It comes from the heart, not only the mind. "True Devotion" is so deep, almost like the Gospels.. Every time I read particular chapters of it, I always learn something new. Personally, I think it’s a teaching from Heaven. But I had to read it slowly and prayerfully to understand what it is saying.
So that’s my story about Mary :) I hope to learn more about her and to love her more in my life, and to pray the Rosary often. I usually don’t share about these experiences but I thought maybe they’d help somebody. If you’re reading this and aren’t sure about Mary and the Rosary...try asking God to show you the truth about her, and be open to whatever He might say. :) it’s very much worth it. I think the more ‘Marian’ we become, the closer we come to Christ! If we dislike or avoid Mary, like I did before, in my opinion that is an insult to Jesus her Son. To quote St Therese of Lisieux: "Do not be afraid to love the Blessed Virgin too much. You can never love her enough. And Jesus will be very happy, because the Blessed Virgin is His Mother."
"It is the nature of Jesus Christ to lead us to the Father. In the same way, it is the nature of the Blessed Virgin to lead us surely to Jesus" (St Louis de Montfort)
"Let all hearts give themselves to Mary so that she will fill them with her Heart and the Heart of Jesus!" (St John Eudes)
"The Blessed Virgin never committed any actual sin - not even a venial one. Otherwise, she would not have been a Mother worthy of Jesus. The Son would have shared the ignominy of the Mother, for He would have had a sinner for His Mother" (St Thomas Aquinas)
"How beautiful you are in the soul and resplendent in body, Mary, my Mother. In this world, the Blessed Virgin was poor and unknown, but in Heaven, she is glorious and beautiful, the Queen of Angels." (St Anthony of Padua).
"When we speak the name of Mary, Heaven becomes more beautiful, and earth rejoices. The demons are terrified, and vanish like dust in the wind." (St Francis of Assisi)
"Those who want to prevent their heart from being pervaded by the evils of earth should entrust it to the Blessed Virgin, our Lady and our Mother. They will then regain it in Heaven, freed from all evils." (St Francis de Sales).
"Virgin full of grace, I know that at Nazareth you lived modestly, without requesting anything more. Neither ecstasies, nor miracles, nor other extraordinary deeds enhanced your life, O Queen of the elect. The number of the lowly, “the little ones,” is very great on earth. They can raise their eyes to your without any fear. You are the incomparable Mother who walks with them along the common way to guide them to heaven. Beloved Mother, in this harsh exile, I want to live always with you and follow you every day. I am enraptured by the contemplation of you and I discover the depths of the love of your heart. All my fears vanish under your motherly gaze, which teaches me to weep and to rejoice! Amen. "
(St Therese of Lisieux)
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